my approach
I’m often asked why I’m a men’s therapist. As a kid, I was exposed to how men move differently from me through the world. The men in my family simply led different lives than me, both internal and external. Our emotions weren’t treated the same. Society tells men not to show weakness- don’t talk about your feelings and white knuckle through it. While I cannot relate to the experience of a man, I can approach my work with empathy, compassion, and understanding (which is often missing in the outside world).
I am professionally trained to understand human motivation that is below conscious awareness- I explore alongside my clients why they do what they do and why they feel how they feel. Together we develop a fuller sense of themselves by cultivating curiosity, not judgement. We also go backwards to childhood. All of us have childhood wounds that still affect us today. It is crucial in our work that we aim to understand them and begin to heal them through self-compassion and the power of choice. I am direct with my clients by challenging them and pushing them to consider alternative perspectives.
Many of my clients crave a roadmap for our work together, especially if it's their first time in therapy. I can’t fabricate a hard and fast system because every client is different. But I can provide a rough outline of the (very) general process of what therapy looks like with me:
Define the problem: many clients come to me with a general sense of unhappiness or dissatisfaction. Before we can move to a solution, we must understand what the problem is. We set actionable and attainable goals.
Get connected to the inner experience: we observe how they react to life’s stressors, their body’s responses, and how their internal world mismatches their external world. That thing that triggers you that has always been with you? We need to see what that’s about. By understanding your triggers, we can make more informed choices when they are inevitably poked. We will go backwards to your childhood and family relationships to see what blueprints were set for your adult patterns.
Make moves toward sustainable change: we will build resilience to the problem by empowering you with autonomy. You are not a slave to what is keeping you stuck. We will tweak your decision making, practice taking risks, and get comfortable with failure.
Maintenance: when you feel like you have a better grip on your life, we will move towards maintaining that grip. We will action forward with the understanding that setbacks will happen and what to do when they come up.